Hiding My Crazy

This first post launches my writing career. I have always wanted to write a book. But, there is a difference between wanting to do something and actually doing it. People used to always comment on what a quiet person I am. Funny, there are always so many words in my head. Words that I would not wish to escape my mouth most of the time. It’s not that I think I am a particularly dark person. Certainly not so compared to others of my generation. Still, there are so many people in the world that would be stunned by the things I might say if I gave my mind reign over my mouth.

In my mind, I am a very impatient person. I want what I want and I want it now! That’s not so different from the average person. But, I wonder, does the average person teeter on the verge of screaming at the cars ahead of them in the drive thru? ” My mind screams at these inconvenient customers in front of me, ” Move the fuck out of my way and give me my iced teeeaaa!!!”  I can’t blame it on a sugar addiction. I stopped drinking sweet tea years ago. I know, anathema to my fellow Southerners. But, hey, I’m diabetic. I’m saving my sugar allowance for cheesecake. Ridiculous! I’m diabetic. I don’t get a sugar allowance. But, this is how I justify eating cheesecake as a diabetic.As if I need to justify anything. I’m nearly forty years old. I’m either going to do it or not. So I drink Coke, I eat cheesecake and I shun Sweet Tea.

Still, As I creep closer to the drive thru window in my sweet little Soccer Mom mini-van with my little stick family positioned happily on my back window below my Giant N.O.T.W. sticker I actually start saying the words out loud. Don’t worry though, my windows are securely positioned up so that my crazy doesn’t seep from the vehicle and obliterate everything in my path. ” Move, move, move! Give me my fucking iced tea! This serves no purpose as no one can hear me; unless my family is in the car with me. But, what do they say about crazy people living in their own little world? They know me here.

Finally, I make it to the window where the hard working fast food employee stands with the obligatory hello and how are you. I smile ever so sweetly and inquire as to if I might have an extra cup with just ice. (In my mind…”those fuckers are so stingy with the ice!”) And my audible voice thanks the poor drive thru attendant “so much! I really appreciate it”. As I carefully exit the drive through, struggling to unwrap my straw and get that first gulp of ice cold goodness, the drive thru attendant greets another customer. He or she never knows how close they came to witnessing my drive thru psychosis. But, I’m not crazy. Because while in my mind I am a very impatient person, to the public, I am a wonderfully polite and quiet woman of poise. See, I know that I am not crazy because I can still hide my crazy. And that, according to the world of psychological studies, makes all the difference.

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